Dear sir or madam, we regret to inform you that you are cut.
"Dear Claire Brownell, Thank you for applying to work at The Prestigious Post as an intern in 2008."
Oh right, I'd forgotten I applied to that.
"We have made our decisions, and I am sorry that we will not be offering you an internship for this year."
Rats. Oh well. Better luck next time.
"I know that may disappoint you. There are several people we would love to have working here and whom I know would do a great job. All of us regret the loss of that opportunity and the message we send when we decline applications from good people."
Yes, well, c'est la vie. It was a long shot. Also, that "whom" should be "who." Maybe they will hire me as a copy editor.
"Our decisions may say a lot more about the size of our intern class than they do about your talents and abilities, but it is natural to take rejection personally."
Wait... what? I didn't take it personally. Why would I take it personally? Who would take it personally? Should I take it personally?
"Please hang tough. If journalism is what you love to do, you will find a way. If the Prestigious Post is where you want to work, you can still get here. Today’s decision in no way forecloses future opportunities."
Some people think that? Why would they think that? I'm not going to drop out of J-school over this. Do some people drop out of J-school over this? What do you mean, "hang tough?"
"Stay smart, keep working hard and be flexible in journalism’s transformation. There will be untold avenues to achieve your career goals. I look forward to seeing that happen."
What was it? The clippings? It's not my fault the only published articles I had when I applied for that internship were about partying in Southeast Asia. The resume? The tone of the cover letter? Did I come on too strong? Should I have put more effort into the piano playing and tapdancing? Was it the swimsuit competition? What was it? WHAT WAS IT???