Sunday, May 3, 2009

"Man, Claire's posts have been so boring and journalism-y lately. Where's the juicy stuff?" Read on, friends.

Last night I went to my friend Michelle’s house (no, not Megababe; yes, everyone I know from home is named Michelle). We’ve known each other since high school and were briefly roommates. She was having a barbecue, and I was in town, so I popped by for a beer.

“Popping by for a beer” turned into a few beers, which turned into Michelle’s friend somehow convincing me it would be a good idea to come to the bar even though I was wearing my usual jeans-T shirt-hoodie-Converse sneakers uniform. Which turned into a fantastic discovery.

El Convento Rico’s. A gay bar in Little Italy.

The decor seems to be bowling alley/casino inspired, with TVs flashing in exhaustingly bright colours and more disco lights than usual. They play the usual Madonna/Beyonce/Village People type gay bar fare, with the usual midnight drag show. They have booths along one side that appear to be swathed in mosquito nets.

But what makes it fantastic is the clientele, composed of four distinct groups:

1) Young gay men

2) Aging lesbians

3) Straight men hoping girls will get bored of dancing with men who aren’t interested in them, thus increasing their odds of picking up at the end of the night (you can find these fine specimens of humanity at any gay bar), and:

4) Straight women throwing stagettes, dressed in veils, cat suits, and head bands with vibrators strapped to them.

A gay bar doesn’t seem like the first venue that would spring to mind when planning a stagette, but apparently it’s quite popular. So popular, in fact, that according to the people I was with who came there often, there’s a stagette party almost every time they go.

I don’t care how much you hate Madonna. This is a hilarious sight. Just sitting down and people watching is worth the cover. The bridal party women throw themselves at the gay men, the straight men try unsuccessfully to grind with the women from behind, the lesbians stand around and drink, and everyone overstimulates themselves with flashing lights, glow sticks, alcohol, and vibrating head bands. Not recommended for the epileptic.

And to conclude I leave you with this video, reposted from The Peach. You're welcome.

1 comment:

Sonya said...

I want to go to this bar. And I want this man to perform. I'd wear Converse for the occasion.